Relationships

Sabbath School Class

January 22, 2011

Presented by

Larry R Evans

Introduction

It has been said that “Most adults never grow up.” Do you agree? This week we will be delving into the idea of relationships and what is really behind positive relationships. I have found the following statement by John Powell in Why Am I Afraid to Love? to be insightful for our study about enduring and expanding relationships:

“A person can grow only as much as his horizon allows, and the person who decides to love in order to be fulfilled and happy will be disappointed and will not grow because the horizon is still himself. Consequently, we cannot conceive of love in any way as a means of self-fulfillment, because if we do we will still be within the treacherous vicious circle, traveling always from our own needs through others and back into ourselves. We can never use others as a means. They must always be the end-object of love.” (p.107)

When it comes to relationships, what kind of horizon do you have? It has been suggested that once we ask the question, “What have you done for me” we have ceased to love and our relationship is immediately limited. Do you agree? As you study this lesson, reflect on who is really the focus of each relationship you have.

Reflective Questions

1. It takes two to fight but only one to bring peace. (1 Sam 25) True

“Six of the Ten Commandments have to do with maintaining right social interactions.” It is important to also note that the setting for these relationships was established first by God Himself. This is the pattern throughout history – God first acts. He gives of Himself. Before the commandments were given God reminded His special people of how He had acted in their behalf.

Ex 20:2

2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.(NIV)

The commandments were simply an invitation to an enduring relationship. In Matt. 5:48 we are told that we are to be “perfect” as our heavenly Father is perfect. By way of illustration, we are reminded that God provides the rain and sunshine for both the righteous and the unrighteous. Over and over again we find our God working very hard to show love and acceptance but over and over again his love is spurned.

This is not unlike the story of Abigal in 1 Sam 25. Her husband, Nabal, was a cruel and unkind man yet Abigal remained kind and thoughtful. I doubt life was easy for her. When battle was about to erupt because of the rude treatment Nabal had shown to David Abigal stepped in with kindness, generosity and respect. Nabal cared little for relationships. His words and actions were harsh and with them were barbs that invited retaliation. David was offended and was about to respond when Abigal approached him. Julian Melgosa (Mental and Emotional Health, p. 38) noted the following:

· Her immediate action: Arranged for nearly a ton of food for David and his men.

· Her nonverbal messges: She bowed before David with her face to the ground.

· Her speech: Expressed her good wishes and asked for God’s blessings for David.

· Her acknowledgement of Nabal’s Folly: Called her own husband “wicked” and “fool.”

· Her appeal: She begged for forgiveness on behalf of her husband and invited David not to become guilty of killing innocent people.

Abigal showed herself to be bigger than the situation at hand. She brought peace and peace did come.

2. Some relationships cannot be changed by using kindness, therefore, force becomes necessary. (1 Sam 25; Gen 4:1-16; Matt.26:47-54) False

A secondary question might be: If we could only learn to be our brother’s keeper there would be much more peace in homes and even in the world. (True or False?)

For a moment take a look at Gen.4 and ask yourself this question: What did God ask Cain and did Cain answer the question God was asking? What did Cain’s answer reveal about his understanding of relationships?

Gen 4:6-9

6 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

9 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?"

"I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?" (NIV)

Note the insightful comment by Ellen White:

Any man, be he minister or layman, who seeks to compel or control the reason of any other man, becomes an agent of Satan, to do his work, and in the sight of the heavenly universe he bears the mark of Cain (MS 29, 1911). {1BC 1087.3}

One of the greatest hindrances to any relationship is the vying and struggle for power. It can destroy relationship between brothers, between friends and it can destroy a church’s effectiveness. We are to be a brother to others and not the controlling role of a “keeper.”

3. God’s blessing begins soon after we forgive others for their wrong doing. (Ezek 36:26; Matt. 5:23-25; 18: 21-35; Eph. 4:32) False

When does God bless you: before you forgive or afterwards? Note Ezek. 36:25,26

Ezek 36:25-26

25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (NIV)

Who is it that gives us the ability to forgive? God, of course. From a new heart given to us by God we are able to forgive. Note also Eph. 4:30-32

Eph 4:30-32

30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (NIV)

Paul reminds us that our attitudes and actions can grief the Holy Spirit. Our relationships must reveal the compassion of the Holy Spirit. The presence of God in our midst is marred by unkindness. I would draw your attention to v.31 where we are told to get rid of bitterness and anger but the Bible is not about being negative. With the Holy Spirit and a new heart Christianity is a positive experience. In the place of bitterness and rage we are kind and compassionate to one another and forgiving.

[Illustration of Corrie ten Boom]

4. We should confess our sins to each other. (James 5:16; Matt 6:12; Mk 2:1-5) True

James 5:13-16

13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14 Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (NIV)

It is interesting to note that confessing sin and healing are tied together. Anger and grudges held can impede physical, emotional and spiritual healing. It would seem that the context here is speaking of confessing to others that which is holding back the relationship between you and the other person.

5. Do unto others as others would do to you if they had a chance. (Matt. 7:12) False

Matt 7:12

The Rabbis approached this concept from a negative perspective: "Whatever is hateful to you, do not do to another." But Jesus took the positive and proactive approach: Matt 7:11-12

12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (NIV)

Christians approach relationships with others not from the perspective of avoiding wrong but rather by replacing wrong with good. When Jesus in Matt 5:17 said He came to fulfill the law he meant that He came to live out the principles of God’s kingdom. He surrendered His own life for the good of others. Jesus revealed the true servant’s heart even when He was treated like a servant.

Conclusion

It has been said that we are each the product of those who have loved us or who have refused to love us. (John Powell, Why Am I Afraid to Love?) While that certainly has a bearing on how we see ourselves and others, the good news is that a new heart can be given to us. We may carry scars from our past but we need not be bound by them. A life of fulfillment, of hope and courage as shown in lives of compassion, kindness and consideration of others is possible. It is the calling of every Christian. We bear the name of Jesus and as we dwell in His presence we become more and more like Him in all of our relationships.