Family Conflict: Does it have to end there?

Jacob and Rachel: Labor of Love

or

Two Are Not Always Better Than One

Sabbath School Lesson

July 28, 2007

Teacher: Larry R Evans

Quiz for Reflection

1. Being “equally yoked” is a reference to marriage and suggests that couples should be nearly thesame size. True or False

2. Laban was an honest man, bound by the customs of his time. True or False

3. God selects a few carefully chosen individuals through whom He fulfills His purposes. True or False

4. Jacob, knowing the awkwardness and difficulties faced by Rachel, proved to be understanding of her needs. True or False

5. The story of Laban’s deception of Jacob illustrates that human nature is corrupt and we just need to learn to accept it. True or False

Introduction

We all have values by which we live our lives. Our values help us to decide what is right and wrong, what’s important and what’s not. These values help us navigate through different situations we face in life. Such values as respect, responsibility, honesty, helpfulness, friendship, and fairness are important. They are not always convenient and may not always be rewarding in the immediate situation but over the long-haul they are the fabric of a happy home and society. This week’s study is a revelation of different values at work within one family. The official title is Jacob and Rachel: Labor of Love but I’ve put a subtitle highlighting another value: Two Are Not Always Better Than One. As you think of Jacob, his treatment by Laban and Jacob’s love for Rachel and their relationship to Leah what values do you see being emphasized and deemphasized? I’ve copied one list of values. Which of these would you see playing a significant role in this week’s study?

Appreciation Compassion CooperationEnvironmental Awareness Fair FaithFamily Forgiveness FreedomFriendship Generosity HarmonyHealth Honesty HumorIntegrity Kindness Helping OthersLove Loyalty PerseverancePolite Reliable RespectResponsible Self Discipline SharingTolerance Trustworthy TruthUnity Wisdom Working Hard

Getting Into Our Study

1. Being “equally yoked” is a reference to marriage and suggests that couples should be nearly the same size. False

Is being equally or unequally yoked about one’s size, one’s religion, one’s political leanings, one’s business ,etc. or is it more about values held by all parties concerned and how each one relates to specific values?

2 Cor 6:14-18

14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

17 "Therefore come out from them and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."
18 "I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty."
(from New International Version)

While the principle of not being yoked with unequals is often applied to marriage, it has far wider implications. Paul is deeply concerned about Christians who were Corinth entering into relationships with unbelievers. His fear was that this would ultimately lead to spiritual compromise. He knew where that would lead. Their values were not similar and it would have devastating consequences for all concerned.

Isaac and Isaac’s father, Abraham, saw the need to marry within their “clan” or faith for the same reason that Paul gave his counsel. As we will see, this is a fundamental issue in choosing a life partner but we will also see that marrying within one’s own faith is no guarantee that harmony will exist. Does this suggest, then, that such questions as one’s faith is not important? What does it tell us?

2. Laban was an honest man, bound by the customs of his time. False

Whatever Laban’s motives were at the beginning, he eventually saw an opportunity for economic gain and greed overwhelmed any virtuous values he may have had. Jacob who had arrived penniless had fallen in love with Laban’s youngest daughter. Not having any material wealth for a dowry because of his sudden exit from home, Jacob pledged seven years of labor—a dowry of sorts to assure the father that he could indeed provide for a family. The Bible says that because he loved Rachel the seven years seemed but a few days. (Gen 29:20). Not wanting to lose Jacob’s talent Laban and Leah, the older daughter, schemed to trick Jacob. Instead of Rachel it was Leah who awaited Jacob that wedding night. I smile at the way the Bible describes what happened when daylight came, “When morning came, there was Leah!” (NIV) It was then and not until then that Laban explained that the older daughter must be married before the younger. But good news, according to Laban, was that Jacob could have both . . . but of course, he would have to work another 7 years! He needed to save the family any disgrace and finish the honeymoon with Leah first! So Laban’s own value or at least the value he tried to sell Jacob was that “Two are better than one!”

No Laban was not a honest man and he used custom to fit his scheming and in so doing robbed his older daughter of her integrity and the younger daughter of peaceful future all because he needed an excuse to bind Jacob for another seven years. All for his own selfish economic gain.

3. God selects a few carefully chosen individuals through whom He fulfills His purposes. False

When things go badly for us, as they surely did for Isaac, it is easy to feel that somehow we don’t matter—that God works out miracles for others but the person has got to be pretty unique before that will happen. Have you ever felt that way? It only gets worse if our own conscience bothers us for something we’ve done and we end up concluding that we deserve all the trouble that has come our way. We resign to the “fact” that we don’t matter and that others matter more to God than we do.

As Jacob left his home in fear because of his deception of Isaac regarding Esau, he felt alone and rejected. He felt like an outcast and he saw no way for the blessing that he so desperately wanted and received could ever be fulfilled. Note this statement from the book Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 183 which is in reference to the dream of a ladder reaching into heaven.

“The evening of the second day found him far away from his father's tents. He felt that he was an outcast, and he knew that all this trouble had been brought upon him by his own wrong course. The darkness of despair pressed upon his soul, and he hardly dared to pray. But he was so utterly lonely that he felt the need of protection from God as he had never felt it before. With weeping and deep humiliation he confessed his sin, and entreated for some evidence that he was not utterly forsaken. Still his burdened heart found no relief. He had lost all confidence in himself, and he feared that the God of his fathers had cast him off. {PP 183.2}

But God did not forsake Jacob. His mercy was still extended to His erring, distrustful servant. The Lord compassionately revealed just what Jacob needed--a Saviour. He had sinned, but his heart was filled with gratitude as he saw revealed a way by which he could be restored to the favor of God.” {PP 183.3}

It is with this background that Jacob laid down and slept and saw the ladder reaching to heaven. That night he received hope. That night the assurance of forgiveness and the promise of God’s abiding presence was granted him. In the years ahead during the most challenging times he would look back to this assurance and it would comfort him. He had commemorated the event by erecting a monument and he called it Bethel – “house of God.” Have you had a “Bethel experience.” God doesn’t reserve his “special purposes” for only a few special leaders. For each God Word declares, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you.” (Jer. 1:5) Perhaps, as one of my favorite Bible promises expresses this assurance, it will be another encouragement that you too are special: Jer 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (from New International Version)

4. Jacob, knowing the awkwardness and difficulties faced by Rachel, proved to be understanding of her needs. False

Jacob was in a no win situation. He loved Rachel but through treachery, not of his doing, he was given the wrong sister for his wife. No doubt he compared Laban’s trickery with his own in getting the birthright. How could he argue that an injustice had been done! Leah knowing of Jacob’s love for Rachel sought to win his love by bearing children but this only complicated Jacob’s life. Bearing children became a dominating value as well as a competitive one.

Gen 30:1-13

30:1 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!"
2 Jacob became angry with her and said, "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?"
3 Then she said, "Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and that through her I too can build a family."
4 So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, 5 and she became pregnant and bore him a son. 6 Then Rachel said, "God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son." Because of this she named him Dan.
7 Rachel's servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. 8 Then Rachel said, "I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won." So she named him Naphtali.
9 When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her maidservant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. 10 Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. 11 Then Leah said, "What good fortune!" So she named him Gad.
12 Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. 13 Then Leah said, "How happy I am! The women will call me happy." So she named him Asher.
(from New International Version)

What a mess! Favoritism among family members is a sure recipe for disaster. It doesn’t have to be a polygamous situation for that to happen does it? It can happen of parents towards children as it did later when Jacob favored Joseph with the coat of many colors leading to a major rift in the family. It can happen of children towards parents and it can even happen of children teaming up with one parent against another parent or sibling as in the case of Rebekah and Jacob. In the case Rachel and Leah, the competition between them revealed their ultimate values. Culture no doubt gave great importance to the bearing of children – so much so that other values which were also cherished were put aside. Can you think of ny cultural values that we have today that can easily compromise spiritual ones?

5. The story of Laban’s deception of Jacob illustrates that human nature is corrupt and we just need to learn to accept it. False

After reading the story of Jacob’s deception of Esau and Laban’s of Jacob we could conclude that human nature is corrupt (which it is) and we need to learn to accept it and get on with life. While there is an element of truth in that philosophy we must not adopt an attitude in regards to our own nature and behavior. We must not end our study of this story with that kind of conclusion. There is hope even for the most destitute, the most sinful. Lives can be changed but it begins with a change of values and not with arbitrary commands. Note Paul’s expression of this dilemma in Romans 7 an 8 and taken from the Message.

Rom 7:13 I can already hear your next question: "Does that mean I can't even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?" No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God's good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.

Rom 7:14 I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself--after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison.

Rom 7:15 What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.

Rom 7:16 So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

Rom 7:17 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!

Rom 7:18 I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it.

Rom 7:19 I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.

Rom 7:20 My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

Rom 7:21 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.

Rom 7:22 I truly delight in God's commands,

Rom 7:23 but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

Rom 7:24 I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

Rom 7:25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Rom 8:1 With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.

Rom 8:2 A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

Rom 8:3 God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that. The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it.

Rom 8:4 And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.

Conclusion

Jacob’s experience illustrates many things. Life isn’t always fair. Many times we and our loved ones suffer from the consequences of the selfish and greedy. It is tempting to allow our higher values to fall prey and become subordinate to tactics of retaliation and selfish competitive responses. Often mixed values are passed from one generation to the next. We see that in the half truths and disguised truths in the lives of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. It would be easy to conclude that our own genealogy made us do it! Such responses only perpetuate history. The good news, once we recognize our tendencies and conflict of values, is found in Paul’s conclusion of Romans 8:1-3. While our human nature is corrupt that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Christ has broken into history – our own history included – and given us the necessary power to break out of the cycle. Embracing the Spirit brings not only power to change but a whole set of values sometimes referred to as the fruit of the Spirit. And while we may not change those around us we can establish a personal north star which restores to us a personal confidence that we do matter and that we do have a special purpose which has been designated by God. We can become a new persons.