Living in the World with Children

Living in the World with Children

And

Seasons of Parenting

Larry R Evans

Introduction

I grew up in a home that wasn’t perfect, and I knew it. My father wasn’t a Christian, but my mother had the heart of a Christian. Some might count such disparities as a disadvantage.  It was in some respects, but it did provide insights into two different worlds. I knew which one I liked better. I just didn’t know how to navigate to get there.

Dr. and Mrs. Downs had no idea of the impact they had on my life then or now. Somehow my mother arranged for me to go to summer camp.  To get there, Dr. and Mrs. Downs invited me to ride with them and their son. I was anxious to see how an Adventist family lived. I ­­don’t remember much but the impressions have lasted to this day. Simple things like praying before we began the drive to camp stirred my thinking. “Ahhh,” I thought, “being ‘spiritual’ wasn’t something that just happened at church.” They were also human.  They read newspapers, laughed and had interesting family discussions. They likely had disagreements too though I don’t remember them. It was just that there was a difference. They approached life together from a God-centered approach.

The official title of this week’s study is “Seasons of Parenting.”  It’s a good title but I’m going to widen the scope a little and call it, “Living in the World with Children.”  I do so because everyone, single or married, with or without children, have an impact on children.  If you give it some thought, you might understand why one of the ministries I represent is not just about “orphans” but “orphans and vulnerable children.”  I was never an orphan but there were times when I felt all alone. Children are vulnerable and carry with them impressions—good and bad—that last a lifetime. Along with many parents, there are moments I wish I could do over, but children are also forgiving and for that I am thankful. In turn, I want to return the favor. After all, I am living in the world with children. They are often my teachers. I may think I live in an adult world, but they remind me of lessons once learned but easily forgotten.  

No One Can Escape the World of a Child

QUESTION: Is there any age when we no longer have an influence on children?

Abraham and Sarah thought they were too old for children, but they were wrong. They had given up. Nevertheless, the promised child, Isaac, came late.  Why?  We are not told.  What we do know is that the promised child came with a lesson for every adult who has ever had a child. No child, no “anything or anyone” should ever be allowed to separate a parent from God. We can’t parent as we should if our priorities come between us and God. Even children must come second to God in our list of priorities.  When that happens, children receive what they need most—a God-fearing parent.  If God is made second then the very help that the parents need is not seen (Genesis 15, 18, 22).

QUESTION: When does a parent no longer need to pray for his or her child?

The heart of Samuel’s mother stayed with her son even when living away from her. Though just a child, Samuel, heard the voice off God speaking to him. The adult in the room, Priest Ely, was there to encourage him to step forward. Generations were to be blessed because Samuel responded, “Here am I.”  Little did his mother or his priest grasp what they would be doing to change the course of history. The sacrifice she made in turn was not only rewarding for her but God used Samuel to bless others (1 Samuel 1-3).

QUESTION: Does our belief or unbelief have an impact on our own children?  What about children who do not live with us?

Words of encouragement can come from many directions.  It need not be from a parent, teacher or minister. It can come from a childless couple or an unmarried individual.  They too can impact not only the child but others through the child they influence. What is needed is understanding and belief in the person regardless of where they are at the moment.         

No Parent or Child Is Ever Alone

The Bible does tell us of a single parent who thought she was raising her son all alone. It got so bad the cupboards were bare save enough for a meal or two.  You remember the story of the widow and son at Zarephath.  There was a famine in the land largely because of a “curse” placed on the land by the prophet Elijah due to the sinful ways of Ahab and the baleful influence he had on the nation (1 Kings 17:7-24).

 QUESTION:  Is there such a thing as “single-parenting” though the parent is married? What influence does the church as a whole have for children?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  (James 1:27)

QUESTION: What does James mean?  If not just financial what else could be included?

The Real Truth About Parenting

Unless the Lord builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat–

for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord,

children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Solomon is credited for writing this Psalm which raises an important question:

QUESTION:  “Is Scripture for learning?” . . . Let me ask it a different way, “Is Scripture ‘just’ for learning?  Consider the following:

Yet, like much of Solomon’s wisdom, the lessons of this psalm, relevant as they were to his situation, were mostly lost on him. His building, both literal and figurative, became reckless (1 Kgs 9:10ff., 19), his kingdom a ruin (1 Kgs 11:11ff.) and his marriages a disastrous denial of God (1 Kgs 11:1ff.).

QUESTION: An old proverb goes like this: “Do as I say and not as I do.”  What principle does this proverb bypass and with what effect?

QUESTION: With such responsibility and with the power of choice given to children, is there any joy in parenting?  At what stage?  Is there only joy if things turn out for the good?  Does our joy or lack of joy as parents have an impact on us, on our spouse, on our neighbors, on our children?

QUESTION:  What connection do you see, if there is one, between, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builder labor in vain” AND “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them (children)? [Ps. 127:1 & 5)

But both parts proclaim that only what is from God is

truly strong.

The Love of God in You for the Family

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deut. 6:4-9)

Hear, O Israel. Israel is invited to respond to Yahweh with the same fullness of love that Yahweh displayed towards his people. God’s love and his covenant demands were to be the central and absorbing interest of a man’s whole life.

Fighting for or with the Prodigal

Question: How did God “fight” with His prodigal—the fallen world?

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. ¹⁷ God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. (John 3:16,17; Message)

One of my favorite and cherished books (one I would recommend for your own reading) is entitled, The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller.  How would you define “prodigal?”  Note what Keller says,

The word ‘prodigal’ does not mean ‘wayward’ but according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, ‘recklessly spendthrift.’  It means to spend until you have nothing left.  This term is therefore as appropriate for describing the father in the story as his younger son. The father’s welcome to the repentant son was literally reckless, because he refused to ‘reckon’ or count his sin against him or demand repayment.” (p.xvii)

Concluding Thoughts Regarding the “Weight or Responsibility” of Parenting

“Elisabeth Elliot recounts an apocryphal story (not in the Bible!) about Jesus that conveys the difference between a result-oriented selfishness and a faithfulness born out of love.

One day Jesus said to his disciples: “I’d like you to carry a stone for Me.” He didn’t give any explanation. So, the disciples looked around for a stone to carry, and Peter, being the practical sort, sought out the smallest stone he could possibly find. After all, Jesus didn’t give any regulations for weight and size! So, he put it in his pocket.  Jesus then said: ‘Follow Me” He led them on a journey.  About noontime Jesus had everyone sit down.  He waved his hands and all the stones turned to bread.  He said, “Now it’s time for lunch.” In a few seconds, Peter’s lunch was over.  When lunch was done Jesus told them to stand up. He said again, ‘I’d like you to carry a stone for Me. This time Peter said, “Aha! Now I get it!” So, he looked around and saw a small boulder. He hoisted it on his back, and it was painful, it made him stagger. But he said, “I can’t wait for supper.” Jesus then said: “Follow Me.” He led them on a journey, with Peter barely being able to keep up.  Around supper time Jesus led them to the side of a river. He said, “Now everyone throw your stones into the water.” They did. Then he said, “Follow Me,” and he began to walk.  Peter and the others looked at him dumbfounded. Jesus sighed and said, “Don’t. you remember what I asked you to do? Who were you carrying the stone for?” (The Prodigal God, Timothy Keller, pp.58-59)

Living in the world with children, whether we are a parent or not, carries with it a great responsibility. Sometimes it is a heavy one, sometimes joyous and sometimes a bewildering one.  There is no automatic formula for us any more than there is one for God. Choice, the child’s and ours, plays a critical part in any outcome.

In Luke 15 we have the parable of the coin and the lost sheep. In both cases the search for the lost was frantic. By the time we get to the third story we expect the same response for the lost son but the response isn’t as we expect.  No one is out searching for the lost son.  We are left asking, so why didn’t the older brother (Cain) go searching for his own brother (Able). And so we leave today’s study – Where is our brother, our children – whether they be ours or someone else’s – What are we doing to reclaim the children that God claims as His?  He is the waiting Father who will gladly receive them.  After all, He has sent US out into the world to find them. Are we “prodigal” when it comes to to the children of the world? [Be sure you have read earlier in our study what it means to be prodigal.]