“Times of Loss, Times of Hurt— Strong at the Broken Places”

“Times of Loss, Times of Hurt—

Strong at the Broken Places”

Larry R Evans

Sabbath School Study

June 1, 2010

Introduction

When I invited Jesus into my life, I thought he was going to put up some wallpaper and hang a few pictures. But he started knocking out walls and adding on rooms I said, ‘I was expecting a nice cottage.’ But He said, ‘I’m making a palace in which to live.’ –C.S. Lewis

This past week, in preparation for today, you and I have been reflecting through our Sabbath School studies on the “Times of Loss”.  I’ve widened it in this study and included “Times of Hurt.”  I’ve done so because often moments of loss are accompanied with hurt caused by people, circumstances or things we ourselves have said or done.  During such experiences, the perspective we have makes a world of difference.  I was reminded of this when I received an email from Marti Schneider, Elder Don Schneider. She wrote,

After accompanying him to his [hospital] room, I prayed with him and went home as he recommended—around 3 am. At 6:40 am a nurse called to say he was having trouble and they were working on him. By the time Carol and I got there, he was in heart ICU. They worked valiantly on him. 

     As we were driving to the hospital, I asked God to make the decision whether He should restore Don or let him rest until the time of restoration. I can relax in God’s decision. I will surely miss him, but the peace is profound.

Peace during times of loss . . . does not always come so quickly.  It was Ernest Hemingway who wrote,

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” – Ernest Hemingway in “A Farewell to Arms”

I am reminded of an insight I read that illustrates this well.

Scottish patriarchs looking for walking sticks, always passed over the untried wood of the lower slopes, climbing to the weathered heights to search for rods made strong by storm and wind. For these young trees once fought by the icy Northers and with each fight they bent and twisted and broke a bit inside. But gradually each inner scar became the steely fiber, brought by every storm that they endured. – Broken in the Right Place: How God Tames the Soul, by Alan E. Nelson, p.9.

Today we are to discuss the loss of health, trust, freedom and life. That’s a huge order for such a short time.  Each one carries with it some kind of adjustment on our part.  Life isn’t always fair.  While we may look for answers for a specific situation, we must not forget that God is process-oriented, while we tend to be more event-oriented expecting answers now and in the way we ask for them to be handled. The Lord always hears, He always cares, but we may not always understand at the moment how His caring is being carried out. (Isa.55:8)

Loss of Health

My computer dictionary describes “loss” as “the fact or process of losing something or someone.”  It may come suddenly, or it may happen over a period of time. It seems that some kind of loss is inevitable.

I see this in the work I do. The nature of my job has taken me to orphanages where I’ve seen hundreds of children in India, Indonesia and throughout Africa who have lost their parents—some from war and many from HIV Aids. Their loss is real and often comes a young age. I’ve visited churches in Korea for lepers.  Loss here is not only physical, but it is also an isolation from friends and society in general. I’ll never forget my visits to the wheelchair church in Romania.  There, despite loss, hope has not vanished. In fact, every time I go there my own faith is strengthened.  In other places, I’ve  seen the blind singing praise to God with joy as they feel the words embossed in braille in their heavy, bulky hymnals. I remember well, my conversatio with a businessman turned leader for the blind.  At one time he could see but became blind in the prime of life.  He is now a leader for the National Federation for the Blind and provides amazing resources for the blind.  I’ve spoken with crippled, drooling, cerebral palsy individuals who have lost control of their own body, yet such loss has not prevented them from enthusiastic “crooked” smiles that greet me every time I meet them.  While the Deaf cannot hear, they have learned to “listen” through a language spoken with hands, facial expressions and full body movements. And I stand amazed at how life continues with meaning and purpose despite loss.

I think Hemingway is right, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”  There is a kind of hope that bears the difficult times of loss. Paul must have been speaking to some whose loss brought a crushing blow when he wrote,

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed– in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?” – 1 Cor. 15:51-58   

Loss of Trust

Perhaps one of life’s greatest hurts is when a spouse, a child, a relative, a friend, or a work colleague betrays the trust we have placed in them. Sometimes the betrayal can come in the form of a company we work for or even an organization like a church where we once found hope.  So how do we deal with experiences like that?

Establishing Core Values

A key to overcoming the hurts of betrayal comes from the choices we make—who and what we choose to value. Take a sunset, for example. Its value is there only if we give it value.  We do that by investing our energy and effort in perceiving its beauty. Our attention does nothing to the sunset, but it does wonders for us.  We created a value and out of that value we feel differently, we become engaged in its beauty.  Feelings of appreciation brings interest.  We pause to look at its colors, the hues it casts on the clouds and the landscape around us. From the sunset we begin to see beauty and warmth.

Devaluing someone or something is destructive. It is human nature to do that and especially to people or organizations that have brought hurt to us. That someone can be ourselves. Our resentment turns to devaluaing that which caused us harm.  Pause for a moment and consider:  Who is more likely to maintain a healthy weight: the person who values health or the person who devalues his or her body? Who is more likely to succeed with fewer mistakes, the coach who values the skills and cohesiveness of the team or the one who devalues his players?

Here’s the problem.  Creating positive values consumes huge amounts of energy.  It is tempting to simply think and speak on that which devalues.  Giving focus to the positive values takes more thought, energy and effort.  For example, giving special consideration as to why we appreciate the qualities of a sunset or why we value the good we see in others takes some serious thought. Most of us rush through the day. We conserve our limited energy by withholding moments to pause and reflect on the positive values we see or experience.  The good is not reinforced and we end up running mostly on automatic pilot. Life is simply lived for the moment and we don’t see much beyond that which is hurting us.  It is human nature to devalue that which is causing us to feel depressed—the other person, ourselves or the organization.  Doing so simply recycles our grief. The more intimate the hurt, the more we feel the need to devalue what’s causing the hurt.

We can break the cycle of devaluation and our overwhelming sense of distrust.  Identifying and affirming our core values works on our unconscious.   Our biblically based core values of love, of appreciation, of seeing the good despite the evil that surrounds us, does it make a difference how we read the following Bible texts?

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. – James 1:16, 17

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. – 1 Peter 5:6-9

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.—1 John 4:18

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. –Matthew 6:14,15

Building on our core values rather than that which devalues provides our minds a positive perspective. When we struggle and are facing loss or feelings of hurt, we may wonder about God’s silence.  I like a statement found in Max Lucado’s book, When God Whispers Your Name,

"If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us an educator. If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist. If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist. But since our greatest need was forgiveness, God sent us a Savior." p.48 (Kindle)

   

Once again, we are reminded of biblical core value – the love of God. 

The Loss of Freedom

You may have heard about a unique way to trap a monkey.  Natives hollow out gourds that have long narrow necks.  They place fruit in the bottom of the gourds and stake them to the ground.  When the monkeys come out of the forest and reach into the gourd to grasp the fruit, they are unable to get their fists that surround the fruit out of the gourd.  The natives casually walk out of their hiding places and catch the monkeys, who could have easily run away, but the they were unwilling to let go.

Maybe we are related after all!  J  Those things that we know harm us, our addictions to self, our persistent negative thinking, our appeal to artificial fulfillment from drugs, alcohol  . . .     Why don’t we let go?  Once again, does it really help to devalue ourselves or others?  A life of blame, an existence of devaluation does not offer a solution to the dilemma we face.

Conclusion: God on Trial

A number of years ago a play written by Guten Rutenborn was performed in Germany after the Holocaust had sunk into the minds and hearts of the Germans.  The play was entitled the “Sign of Jonah.”  The play went beyond the terrible genocide during WW II in which Nazi Germany systematically murdered some six million European Jews—around two-thirds of the Jewish population of Europe.  The play set up a courtroom-type setting in which blame was affixed to one, then another, and then still another.  The question posed was, "Who is to blame for the atrocities of the world?" Eventually the blame moved up to God!  He was then put on trial! The verdict was reached. Out of contempt for all that happened in the Holocaust, God, Himself, was sentenced to live a life of pain and suffering just as those who suffered in the Holocaust. He should face rejection and utter contempt of prejudices.  The verdict would force such compliance upon God!

It’s an amazing accusation, a true devaluation and it was placed directly on God! He was to be forced to become “human, suffer, and die!” 

What irony! However, no sentence was necessary. God voluntarily became one with us, He was betrayed, He was humiliated and suffered an agonizing death.  The Bible describes the closing scenes this way:

At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. At about three o’clock, Jesus called out [Greek: ‘screamed out’] with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” – Matthew 27:45,46 (NLT)

If we are ever to overcome the years of devaluation that we have done to ourselves or allowed others to do to us, we must invest more in core values that Jesus, Himself, modeled during times of harsh criticism, physical abuse and mental agony.  We need not only believe; we need to keep on listening to the One who saw such value in us that He became one with us.  Reinforcing our core values will bring new beauty to the sunset and we too will light up the world around us. Jesus reminded where those core values can gain both insight and strength when He said,

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. . .  Remain in me, as I also remain in you. – John 15:1,4

It is the nature of God to make something out of nothing.  Consequently, when we are hurting and feeling at a loss is when God can do the most. It is then, in times of our greatest need, that He turns our loss and hurt into a new us—We become strong in our broken places.