Seasons of Family Unity -- Keys for Understanding

Seasons of Family Unity -- Keys for Understanding 

 Larry R Evans, DMin

Introduction

“Houston We’ve Had a Problem”

Houston, We’ve Got a Problem is a 1974 American made-for-television drama film about the Apollo 13 spaceflight.

The title of the film is a misquotation of the ominous announcement made by Commander Jim Lovell following the explosion of an oxygen tank which tore off the side of the spacecraft’s service module. Lovell actually said, “Houston, we’ve had a problem”.^[1]

The film does not focus on the spaceflight itself, but rather on the crises in Mission Control. Jim Lovell wrote a letter to TV Guide about the film, saying that the crises in Mission Control were dramatized.

When it comes to the many challenges being faced by families today, I’m not sure the crises is being dramatized. With today’s study, we give focus to the communication from and relationship with the family’s “Mission Control.”

“Seasons of the Soul & the Family”

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” (John 15:1-5, NIV)

I grew up on two different farms.  One in Moses Lake, WA and another near Pierre, South Dakota.  The farms were very different, but they had some things in common.  There was a different kind of farming for each season.  At one time we plowed, at another time we planted and irrigated at another time.  There was, of course, the time of harvest.  But we must not overlook the time when we simply let the land lie fallow and did other things in anticipation of spring.  Each season was unique, and each called for a different kind of response.  To have failed to understand the responsibilities of each season or how they differed would have surely brought on many crises. So it is, I am suggesting, with the life of our families.

When Jesus says He is the true vine and the Father is the gardener He is suggesting that the Gardener understands what it takes for the vine to yield its intended fruit.  Despite the seasons that come to the vine the key to bearing fruit is for the branch to “remain” in the vine.  In fact, in the 10 verses of John 15:1-10 (NIV) the word “remain” is used 10 times!  Come what may, winter or spring, fall or summer, those of us at the “Mission Control” of our families must “remain” firm in our relationship with Christ.

By remaining in His “love”, Jesus says in v.9, His joy will remain in us and our joy will be complete (v.11).

What Is Unity—Family Unity?

What kind of unity should the family strive to have?  Seriously, doesn’t this question need to be raised?  The study guide quotes Ellen White, “The closer we come to Christ, the nearer we shall be to one another.” (The Adventist Home, p.179). This is certainly true, and this was the point, I believe, in the illustration found in John 15 about the branch, the vine and the Gardener.

On the same page she also wrote:

The secret of true unity in the church and in the family is not diplomacy, not management, not a superhuman effort to overcome difficulties—though there will be much of this to do—but union with Christ. { AH 179.1}

A description is also given:

If the will of God is fulfilled, the husband and wife will respect each other and cultivate love and confidence. Anything that would mar the peace and unity of the family should be firmly repressed, and kindness and love should be cherished. He who manifests the spirit of tenderness, forbearance, and love will find that the same spirit will be reflected upon him.

Paul summarizes the effects of this “cultivated love” in 1 Cor. 13:4-7,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

The same verses but from the Message,

         Love never gives up.

            Love cares more for others than for self.

            Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

            Love doesn’t strut,

            Doesn’t have a swelled head,

⁵          Doesn’t force itself on others,

              Isn’t always “me first,”

            Doesn’t fly off the handle,

            Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

⁶          Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

            Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

⁷         Presses on,

            Trusts God always,

           Always looks for the best,

           Never looks back,

           But keeps going to the end.

 

Unity During Winter Seasons

Many find it easier to be cheerful and optimistic during spring time and often harder when it is winter.  There are different seasons in the family like that too.  There is, however, one overriding principle, regardless of the “family season” that should be put in place.  That principle is wrapped up in one of the Greek words for love.  Agape love is at the heart of a lasting family unity. Agape love is based on the goodwill of others, builds esteem.  It is not self-centered nor based on what it can get from others.

This kind of love can best be understood in the Sermon on the Mount when the Beatitudes are first seen as statements of Jesus about Himself and then lived out in our own relationships within the family and the world at large. There we see:

Salt as that which brings the best out of food (out of others)

Light where one’s actions bring honor to God

Law where righteousness is not a sham or pretense but rather comes actions that from a heart that reflects the principles of God’s kingdom.

Anger is not only controlled but seeks the healing of those who have

been wounded or hurt by us or circumstances of which we

may have been a part.

Purity of heart and thought is desired and not the hiding of secret   

             motives or desires.

Commitment outweighs hastiness to end relationships.

Integrity of one’s words carries a witness stronger than swearing on a

             stack of Bibles.

Reconciliation is valued more than paybacks.

Forgiveness is practiced before it is returned.

Benevolence becomes a way of life and is shown without the need

for fanfare.

 Dangers of Self-Absorption

(Selfishness)

Sin is often defined as lawlessness (1 Jn.3:4), a separation from God (Isa. 59:2) and a denial of faith as shown by one’s motives and actions (Rom. 14:23).  Whatever definition one prefers, sin leads to serving self at the expense of others including God and the principles of His kingdom.  Such self-absorption can be devastating to family unity.

QUESTION: By not practicing the example in Philp 2:3-5 in our family, what kind of outcome can be expected?

QUESTION: What impact should the principles found in 1Jn 3:16-18 have upon how we react to a family member making a mistake?

Milk Toast and Submission – Is There a Difference?

QUESTION: Does “submission” or being submissive suggest we should be like milk toast? Is the Bible asking us to be weak and give-in to demands placed upon us?

Read Eph. 5:21-28.  Then read Eph. 5:20.  Are these separate thoughts?  If not, how are they linked?

Paul uses the word for submission more than 20 times. The Greek word is ὑποτάσσω hupotasso, hoop-ot-as´-so which means to be subject or subordinate to someone.  In Ephesians the platform for such submission is the marriage and family relationships.

Tyndale Commentary on v.20:

“Whether in song or in other ways the Christian, the apostle instructs, should constantly be giving thanks. Repeatedly, as we have seen (on 1:16), he gives this instruction, and his own writings, as doubtless all his life, are an example in this. The injunction to give thanks always and for everything ‘presupposes a deep underlying faith that God can produce good out of even the most unpromising situation, and that thankfulness, therefore, can be felt because of the confident hope that in some wonderful way God will make even disaster and suffering an occasion for later blessing’ (Mitton, NCB).

How does verse 20 relate to verses 21 and following?

Again, quoting from the Tyndale commentary:

“Pride of position and the authoritarian spirit are destructive of fellowship. The importance to Paul of the whole concept of submission is evident from the use of the word more than twenty times in his letters. He is to apply this in special instances in the next section, but we should note that he first gives it a completely general application. There must be a willingness in the Christian fellowship to serve any, to learn from any, to be corrected by any, regardless of age, sex, class, or any other division.”

Concluding Reflections

We began by suggesting that families, like individuals, experience times somewhat like seasons of the year.  We may be experiencing winter at the moment but wishing spring would come.  We can easily become impatient with fruit trees because we aren’t getting the fruit when we want it, but each season has a part in preparing the tree for producing the fruit. 

Mark Buchann has written in his book, Spiritual Rhythm, the following:

“And then God gave me insight: this was winter.  It would end, in time, but not by my doing.  My responsibility was simply to know the season and match my actions and inactions to it.  It was to learn the slow hard discipline of waiting. It was my season to believe in spite of—to believe in the absence of evidence or emotion, when there’s nothing, no bud, no color, no light, no birdsong, to validate believe.  It was my time to walk without sight.” (p.17)

Buchanan relays the following experience:

“I spoke recently to a man in Thailand who’s spent his entire adult life translating the Bible into the languages of small tribes in remote islands of the Philippines.  He told me of his deepest winter season: he had just been elected to a prominent directorship of his organization when an accident left him paraplegic.  During his hospitalization, he suffered another accident that tore his nose off his face and left him temporarily blind.  While he lay in his bed, unseeing, unmoving, in pain, angry at God, a woman he’d disciple leaned into his pillow, put her mouth to his ear, and whispered, ‘Do not forget in the night what God has shown you in the day.’” (Mark Buchanan in Spiritual Rhythm: Being with Jesus Every Season of Your Soul, p.17)

When your family, or mine, or others experiences a “winter season”, let’s pause and “not forget in the night what God has shown us in the day.”